Life has kind of changed recently, and I get the feeling that the blogging days are coming to an end. This served a unique purpose in the beginning, one that has changed many times over the ensuing years. I’ve debated several reboot ideas, but at the end of the day, what I record here that still needs to be recorded has moved from a public forum to a private one.
So I guess this is somewhat of a goodbye. Maybe not. I’ve said many times that I thought the end was coming for the blog. I’ve gone through quiet spells only to find again the stride that moved the blog forward.
But this is different.
Past dearths were spotted with broad oases of revitalized energy and devotion, and even when I wasn’t writing, I thought often of what could be written. Mirages dancing above the heated sands of the long stretches of silence. Now, though, I don’t think of the blog often, almost as if I have moved out of the beautiful desert and discovered distractions and distance from what was here to what is there.
I do try, though, but I don’t quite remember what I am trying for. Like I said, the purpose has changed. The goals have moved past this to whatever they are now.
Two weeks past, I thought through a project that both excites me and also leaves no way forward for the blog. Oh, let’s be honest…. There’s always a way forward. Let’s say it this way: It excites me and discourages a way forward. I discovered some years back a tool that allows a full export of the blog to a Word document. I’ve always known that when I was done, I would export the blog and spend the next few years reading, editing, re-writing, and storing the blog in a format that would have greater permanence than this public spread. I tested the export about two years ago and–if I remember right–found that I had written well over four thousand pages! While my output has certainly slowed since then, it would not surprise me to find myself at 4,500 today.
That history, for the most part, is worth preserving, and the challenge of sifting through all that is here, cataloging it, and producing it in a format that is both worthwhile and interesting is more exciting than I can say! I’ll even admit that there is some here that I don’t want to continue. Nothing I would hide, but things I would not want to continue for their lack of importance (I don’t have the hubris to assume I’m that incredible) and certainly others that I would pull from the public world for the simple fact that oversharing is sometimes just that.
I don’t regret the time, the energy, and the effort placed here. Like I said, when I started, there was a defined goal–if only in my head–of what I wanted to accomplish here. I’ve done that. The goal changed, and I did that one, too. I find nothing left to do here but this close.
There are those who I’ve met through this blog and have no other contact except these pages. I’ll miss you. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that friendships almost always decay or change in some way, and I’ve grown to understand that the decay is both natural and comfortable most of the time if we allow it to be natural. If I glance carefully in the rear-view mirror, I see many who have passed through my life, accomplished great things, and then advanced in their own direction. Most of them I still contact in some way or another on a periodic basis. Those I’ve found here will be the same.
After all, we found each other randomly the first time, didn’t we?
When you think about it, that’s what relationships are really anyway; random encounters that turn into something more than just random for however long they last. Some last forever, some for many years, and some just a flash in the pan.
They are all meaningful and important in their own way.
So, yes. I think this is really it. I think what has come through these pages and been recorded is done. Complete. I truly have no regrets.
Oh yeah, and it’s a boy. 🙂