Of Trolls and Such

I’ve been very fortunate that I’ve only dealt with two real trolls in my time here. The first was one who had a strange habit of replacing common pronouns like “you” and “they” with four-letter words. Well, I guess technically they were closer to seven letters long, but you get my drift. When I asked her (for some reason I’ve always assumed it was a her) to kindly tone down the language, she responded with a comment of wondrous word combinations, most of which I’m pretty sure are technically impossible, not advisable, or at the very least awkward.

So I banned her.

It’s pretty easy, actually. WordPress gives you enough control over the commenting features that banning is as simple as not approving their comments anymore. In that first case, she did try a few times, and then she went away.

The second troll, though, just makes me laugh.

A year or so ago, I posted about how I still dislike Home Depot, and I do. The trouble they put us through and the damage they caused to our house is sufficient that they still have a lot of ground to make up before I will ever go back. And even then, I’m not sure I would. I’ve found Lowes to be, by and large, the better store. Cheaper prices, broader selection, and more capable employees. Personal opinion, granted, but then again this is my blog and my opinion, right?

So this guy (again, not sure on the gender, but this one just came across as a guy) responds to this particular post by saying “no one cares,” which I always find funny when it comes to trolls because apparently, the troll did. At least enough to comment. Oh, and let’s not forget the anonymity of hiding behind a fake e-mail address and made up username.

So I replied basically saying that he obviously cared enough to comment, and that I would welcome real contributions to the blog. If he couldn’t, I asked that he take it elsewhere. And that was around two months ago I think, and I figured it done.

Until last night….

I got two new comments in rapid succession. The first claimed that he would make a “contribution,” so how did it start? Well….

  • A ridiculous and completely unverifiable claim that he was a multi-million dollar business man (probably why I assumed he was indeed a he)
  • An insult claiming that I wouldn’t understand basic economic and retail principles
  • A claim that I had no business sense because Home Depot could care less if they lost one tiny customer and me thinking that I mattered to Home Depot (a claim I never made) was stupid
  • And of course another fake e-mail address inviting me to kiss something of his that, frankly, I’d prefer not to

Then the second comment was one of those “zingers” [cough, cough] about my last name. Hilarious I assure you. No really, easily one I had never heard before. 🙂

And I find it all very funny. All three comments came from different e-mail addresses and different users…

… using the same IP.

Which is located in Atlanta.

Which is the HQ of Home Depot.

So let me see if I can figure this out…. Our dear second troll is probably an hourly floor worker in a regional Home Depot OR an hourly in the main office. I suppose there’s a chance he is higher up, but I would be surprised to find out he wasn’t a low-level Home Depot employee. Next, “multi-million dollar businessmen”do NOT spend their time trolling the Internet for old articles, nor do they have time or reason to behave like this guy did. They don’t get to that point by being so insecure as to feel the need to cast veiled and casual insults that seem to be more the result of a mental frenzy to be “dominate” rather than coming from any real arguments (if you’re right, your argument stands on its own without the need to attack). My guess is this guy has swallowed the company line and drank the kool-aid (orange flavored I assume).

I honestly kind of hope he replies mostly because I think trolls are kind of hilarious when they do these kinds of things. Especially since I hold the power in this relationship. He can say nothing without my permission, and I have no problem censoring garbage like he attempted to post right off the Internet. It’s really hard to be a bully when you have to ask permission of the person you are trying to bully. I wonder if he gets that….

So my friend troll. Thanks. Thanks for the good laugh. But since this is both my playground and my ball, you’re not invited to play until you can learn some basic manners.

I wish you well and good luck!

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One Response to Of Trolls and Such

  1. Emmerin says:

    You’ve made me biased against Home Depot too. I used to go to it when we lived in Provo because it was closer, but now that they’re kitty corner to each other, I pick Lowes every time.

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