I didn’t quite reach three years, but it was pretty close. About a month short. Actually, if you want the truth, it was exactly 2 years, 10 months, and 16 days (how’s that for OCD!). That’s roughly 150 weeks or, put another way:
- 1051 days
- 25,224 hours
- 1,513,440 minutes
- 90,806,400 seconds
And I loved every moment of it.
I think I’m struggling with this one. Part of it is the surprise it was to me, part of it was that I found out first through unofficial channels (which was uncomfortable and awkward for me), and part of it that I just wasn’t ready.
I just wasn’t.
This is the second time in my life that I’ve served as an EQP, and I can honestly say that each time was some of the happiest I’ve been. I love being involved and having that responsibility. I love the close contact to people and the spirit. I love the opportunity to teach and counsel and assist. Of course, none of that is to say that I can’t still do these things. In fact, I should still do those things, shouldn’t I?
I remember something my second mission president taught me many years ago. He said then that if you want the blessings that come along with any particular calling, live your life in a way that you would be worthy and able to serve in that calling. I think that applies.
As I spoke with the new president, a good friend and someone who I’ve long thought would replace me, I received that witness that the choice was correct, that his counselors were correct, and that even being released was correct. That doesn’t make it any easier for me, though, and as a friend stated, it really is a strong sense of… melancholy. Sorrow. Loss. Like a bad break up as another friend said.
It doesn’t make this wrong though, just hard.
And where to from here? Don’t get me wrong, of course. I’m somewhat eager for the break, for the moments to spend time with the family. No more extra meetings. No more late night crises. (And oh man how I will truly miss all of that, and I’m not being sarcastic.) Sigh… It’s just not something I want, but it is something I will do because I trust the Lord, and I’ve already received the witness that it is right. I’ve already received the confirmations I sought; the witness that I’ve done what I could; the knowledge that the Lord accepts the offering made; the understanding that this is what I need, what the new president needs, and what the quorum needs.
And that truly doesn’t make it easier right now, though it will. Over time, it will.
There are so many times that I just don’t understand the why of it all. I just don’t get it. The reassurance is there, of course, but not the understanding. Not the reasons. Not the things that, for me, would help the most the quickest.
A post-script if you will…. The above was written when I first found out. Since then I’ve met with both the high council and the bishop, and I’m comfortable with what has happened. I will still miss it all dearly, but the understanding is coming. Moreover, I already got my next calling (which I won’t announce because there are ward members who read this blog), and I’m THRILLED. If I could be any place in the church, it would be either in the Elders Quorum or in this calling. I’m way excited.