Now that is certainly not a topic on which to venture an answer without serious and indepth soul searching, but I think I finally heard the most important question the other day. It is a question that has scoured my mind, stirred my passions, and inspired my inspirations.
Surprisingly, at least for me, the question is not directly related to our Savior, Jesus Christ, though I firmly believe He, along with many other things, is encompassed in the answer. As I’ve pondered the question, I’ve come to realize that there may be no greater over-arching, ponderous, truly life-focusing question.
Have I built up the suspense sufficiently?
Paraphrasing from Dan Miller:
If nothing changed in your life in the next five years, would you be happy?
That was the last question in a series of several questions regarding purpose, direction, and focus in life, and I read it first. My first answer was an immediate, “I guess,” but as I read and answered the other questions, my answer shifted from a mild affirmation to a neutral to a slight denial and finally to a heartfelt, tearful, and truly bitter absolute denunciation.
No!!! If nothing changed in the next five years, I would not be happy!!!
And then the implied follow-up question: So what are you going to do today to change that?
The answer would truly surprise you, I think, especially coming from me, but as I’ve spent the last two days in prayerful pondering, I’m seeing new avenues, new hopes, and new dreams. But even that’s wrong; I’m really seeing old avenues long forgotten, old hopes banished by fear and negativity, and old dreams dismissed as the wisps of childish fantasy. And for the first time since the infinite hope of childhood was truly erased, I’m really asking myself , “Well, why not?”
Indeed, why not?
I’m nowhere near ready to actually publicly discuss my decision in an online format–for those of you who are aware of it, please respect my privacy–and the truth is that any actual announcement will surely be delayed at least four months, but let me just say that finding an answer to that most important question has driven me from familiar, but sterile, fields.
And perhaps more than I give the question credit for, I suppose it does indeed center on Christ. It has to. It’s too right for it not to.
Hmmm…. Now if that’s not cryptic, I don’t know what could be. Oh, and if you’re truly interested in knowing now, e-mail me. I’m more than willing to talk outside of the blogosphere.