Lessons in Being Strong

NOTE: I think this applies in a lot of aspects of life, but I want to speak to it especially in terms of addictions.

I’ve always really liked the war chapters in the book of Alma in the Book of Mormon. That might just be the “guy” in me that likes a good war story, but I also find that those chapters have some incredible ideas and thoughts on being a better person, staying safe (spiritually), and being strong.

One that rang true for me today was Alma chapter 55. This chapter has Captain Moroni and Ammoron finishing their negotiation for the exchange of prisoners, or rather finishing their failed negotiation. At this point, Captain Moroni decides that he’ll just go rescue his people instead of negotiating, and he does just that in a truly awesome way.

Towards the end of that particular chapter, we read this:

 27 And it came to pass that they did, notwithstanding all the intrigues of the Lamanites, keep and protect all the prisoners whom they had taken, and also maintain all the ground and the advantage which they had retaken.

And then right after, we see this (I separated them because they are independently important):

 29 Many times did the Lamanites attempt to encircle them about by night, but in these attempts they did lose many prisoners.

 30 And many times did they attempt to administer of their wine to the Nephites, that they might destroy them with poison or with drunkenness.

 31 But behold, the Nephites were not slow to ^aremember the Lord their God in this their time of affliction.

So let’s talk lessons learned…

Negotiation

It just doesn’t make sense to negotiate with your addictions or behaviors you are trying to change. Like Moroni working with Ammoron, Moroni quickly realized that Ammoron was just not going to play it fair or justly. More than that, Ammoron’s only intention in the negotiation was to gain even greater strength to continue the battle against Moroni and his people.

You can’t defeat your addictions or bad behaviors by negotiating. It just doesn’t work that way.

Intrigue and Tricking

The way that Moroni rescues his people is through tricking Ammoron’s army. In a psychological sense, we can often find a measure of success through tricking our brain into responses.

I once learned about the 10-second rule. No, not the food-on-the-floor rule. In this rule, the basic concept is that 10-seconds has a very real psychological impact on our ability to change our behavior. Basically, making something 10 seconds easier to complete increases the likelihood of doing it. Also, making something 10 seconds harder increases the likelihood of not doing it. This is the same principle that you see with people who put their running shoes beside their bed so they trip over them when they wake up.

Use the tools you have at hand. Addictions and behaviors don’t fight fair; don’t trick yourself into believing that they will.

Don’t Lose Ground You’ve Won

This is the principle from vs. 28. Be careful not to give up your hard won gains. I know for me, I often have great successes followed by miserable failure which triggers even more successes. Why not just have the successes?

In another place, Moroni says something to the effect that it is easier to maintain the ground he has won than it is to retake it.

I know it is often said in jest, but I find it sad when smokers jokingly say, “I can quit any time,” or, “I’ve quit X number of times.” The joke is, of course, that no they can’t, and no they haven’t. In other words, it doesn’t matter how many times you have won if you never win. The true win is permanent, changing, and lasting.

A quote I heard some years back that has really stuck with me is this idea that to become Christ-like is to change. It’s to accept His direction and His will and His goals for your life, and then change. We can never truly win (or change) if we keep giving back the ground we’ve already won. That’s the definition of a stalemate, and since being addicted means you’re losing, you’re stalemating on the losing side of the battlefield.

Don’t Fall Victim to Snares (vs. 29-31 above)

I remember the story of the snake when I was a kid. Basic retelling:

A kid is walking and comes across a snake that wants to get through a rough bit of ground (maybe climb a hill). The snake asks the kid to carry him, and the kid refuses saying that the snake will bite him. The snake of course promises not to, and the kid finally agrees. He carries the snake across the rough terrain and then the snake promptly bites him. As the kid dies, he accuses the snake of breaking his promise to which the snake replies, “You knew what I was when you picked me up.”

In Alma 55:29-31, we learn this same principle.

At the end of the day, we are agents unto ourselves. We can surely look heavenward and ask why me (as I’ve done many times!), but at the end of the day, if you make the choice to carry the snake, you and you alone are responsible for the consequences.

Preparation

And one last lesson, which is really shown throughout the war chapters. Preparation. Moroni was always preparing. He was also fortifying. He was always adding more and doing more and encouraging and uplifting.

I think where I struggle most is this idea that I have absolutely conquered all my myriad problems and am therefore free. Such an idea typically lulls me to sleep in doing those things that would truly keep me free.

I do agree with the AA stance that suggests that alcoholism isn’t necessarily cured, but controlled. I find it inspiring when an AA member proudly announces they’ve been sober for however long because implied in that statement is the recognition of vigilance. Preparation. Caution. Awareness. Power (and that’s my favorite).

If you ever want to meet a truly powerful person, find someone who has faced down their addictions, conquered them, and grown from the experience.

And isn’t it nice to know that in none of this do we have to go it alone? One of the greatest lessons from the Savior’s Parable of the Lost Sheep is that He went in search of the lost sheep. He sent no underling sheephand in His stead. He went. The Shepherd. Does that not testify to His love and anxiety for our well-being?

I’ve long loved the war chapters in Alma, but I’ve especially loved the analogies of strength and real power in the face of terrible danger and suffering. If those chapters could be summed up in a single phrase, I think it would be “We can make it.”

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Behavior Change Myths–Part 10, The difficulty of behavior change

As usual, my thoughts come from this presentation by Stanford University’s Persuasive Tech Lab.

Last one…. I’ll have to find a new series to do in the next few weeks. This series has provided some direction and structure to my blog recently, which I’ve enjoyed. But on to the myth!

This is a nice little best-for-last kind of myth. Behavior change is hard, right? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said exactly that as I’ve worked with people. As I’ve worked with myself.

I’m reminded of a favorite quote by Elder Holland:

[to paraphrase]… Repentance [or change in our discussion] is as simple as saying, “I’ll change” and meaning it.

The question at hand, it would seem, is sincerity. The real and admitted desire to be something different. Another quote I’ve thought long about was from a former stake president in my ward. He stated that, “to become Christ-like is to change.” He further went on to state that resisting growth is, by its very definition, anti-Christ. I have to agree. To assume that we are what we are simply because that’s what we are and we’ll never change is a denial of the power of the Atonement and the divine power inherent within us to become better. To become more. Simply saying, “because that’s the way I am” in response to a negative behavior or challenge is a cop out.

But that still doesn’t necessarily address the supposed simplicity of behavior change or, as I suggested earlier, that the real issue is sincerity. Through out this series, I’ve consistently said not to pay attention to those miracles of behavior change–the people who, through force of will, change themselves completely and immediately with as little as a thought. But now, I think we need to look at them. I think we need to consider what it is about them that gives them that ability.

Sincerity. Resolve. Determination. I honestly don’t know. Maybe it’s simply a realistic faith and internal belief. Maybe it’s an idealistic faith and external belief.

Then again, maybe it’s all the things we’ve discussed previously: A ready support network, an environment that encourages them, small goals that provide immediate success, and all those other traits.

All I can say is that when I’ve truly wanted a behavior and set out to accomplish it using proper methods, I’ve done it. Every time. And when I haven’t, I’ve failed. Every time.

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Behavior Change Myths–Part 9, Long-term vs. Short-term

As usual, my thoughts come from this presentation by Stanford University’s Persuasive Tech Lab.

One of these days soon, I’ll start looking forward in that presentation and realize that I’m talking about topics that are upcoming. I guess that’s not really a huge issue, but still. Of course, since there is exactly one more of these, changing that particular behavior is probably just a touch late.

This myth deals with the mistake of making forever goals, goals that are immediate and absolute in their fulfillment.

This can only lead to failure.

One of the families I home teach currently struggles with this concept. Dad, a good friend and someone who is making incredible strides in his growth, often sets absolute goals in relation to changing his life or accomplishing specific achievements. And when he gets there and has failed, he often expresses extreme disappointment and frustration. Sometimes to the point that it actually sets him back a little.

Part of me gets that. When I’m frustrated by a behavior I’m trying to change or by a goal that is consistently just out of reach, my response is often to make a “forever” goal. I’m NEVER doing that again!!! or By XXX I will be this or I will have that!!! or From now on, I’m going to exercise three times a week!!!!

You get the idea.

The problem I see with this type of goal is that it often insists on immediate perfection in order for it to continue as a viable goal. That’s unreasonable, especially when considering the difficulty of behavior change.

A more reasonable approach is to set a specific time period to accomplish a reasonable goal. It’s not enough to simply say “I’m going to lose weight.” It’s better to say, “I’m going to lose three pounds a month for the next three months.”

Dave Ramsey’s approach to paying off debt, which is really just a financial behavior, is to provide for immediate success by inverting the usual technique of the debt snowball. The debt snowball is based on compounding principle (as opposed to interest). In the original method, you organize your debts by interest rate with the highest interest rate at the top and the smallest at the bottom. Then you pay minimum payments on everything but the top debt. On that one, you pile on as much as you possibly can and pay it off as quickly as you can. When it is done, you take the sum of that payment and go after the next highest interest rate. With each pay off, the total payment you can make is compounded like a snowball rolling down a hill.

The reason the snowball organized this way is because the person who designed it looked at the snowball mathematically. Of course it makes sense to attack the highest interest rate first because that is costing you more money than a lower interest rate. Makes sense, right?

Only mathematically, and as Dave Ramsey is fond of pointing out, if we were mathematically smart with our money, we’d never go into debt in the first place.

Dave Ramsey modifies the snowball slightly. Instead of listing debts by interest rates, he lists them by amounts with the smallest total debt at the top. The rest is the same, but instead of hitting interest rates, you hit amounts.

Why? Because Dave Ramsey understands one key principle of behavior modification: Short-term goals have more lasting power to actually change you than long-term goals. The interest-first method does not empower you with quick successes, quick goals that you accomplish almost immediately and can build on as a foundation. Dave Ramsey’s plan does.

As you seek to change behavior, don’t fool yourself into believing that a forever goal will change you immediately. Rather, rely on the short-term escalation of a repeated pattern to create new habits and new behaviors. A home is not built simply by stating, “I’m going to build a home.” It’s put together over time, each piece placed properly over time.

Why should we be any different?

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Behavior Change Myths–Part 8, Abstract vs. Concrete

As usual, my thoughts come from this presentation by Stanford University’s Persuasive Tech Lab.

Don’t we all do this at least every now and then? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked at my wife and said, “I’m going to get in shape.” Or, “I’m going to eat better.”

Like it means anything….

Sure, the ideas have, at their core, the best of intentions. I actually do want to get in shape and I actually do want to eat better, but such a goal is vague enough that success is nothing more than fleeting impressions. Worse than that, failure is virtually guaranteed by the complete inability to comprehend success.

Sigh….

And we do it all the time because it is so easy.

I have discovered for myself that concrete goals are attainable goals. More than that, small goals are attainable goals. I already talked about setting smaller goals back in Myth 2, but the idea bears repeating: Specific goals that provide for consistent, regular success are better and more effectual in their eventual power to change us than larger goals even if the larger goals are concrete.

I was deeply impressed by something Elder Holland (or was it Nelson) said recently. In fact, I’m sure I’ve written on the quote before, but it bears repeating. To paraphrase (and adding my own thoughts):

Often in life, we are tempted to make complete changes immediately, especially when it comes to bad habits. We set goals of NEVER AGAIN! or I’M DONE WITH THAT! without allowing ourselves to be human. There certainly are people who, with the force of will, have the ability to make complete life-altering choices and never return again to their old ways. We read about them all the time in the scriptures. But for each of them, there are a thousand people who cannot do that.

So two points:

1. Instead of beating yourself up over the occasional return to something you are trying to break free of, recognize it as what it is: A slip. A momentary relapse on the long road to freedom.
2. Instead of setting goals that are in their very nature nearly impossible to achieve, recognize the human frailty and weakness inherent in you and set goals that allow you to achieve. Most of us are built on the idea that small successes allow us to achieve big victories, so build into your goals the ability to achieve greatness. As Elder Holland (or Nelson) said, set the goal to be X for a day. Or an hour. Or whatever time frame you can actually accomplish.
   You simply cannot determine today to be smoking immediately and forever. Most of us can’t anyway. So instead of bludgeoning yourself with guilt and shame from failing in an unachievable goal, set for yourself the success of a single day. Something that you can build on to eventually create a week, a month, a year, and a lifetime of being smoke free (or whatever it is that you are wanting to change).

At the start of the year, I once again set a goal to be healthy. To strive for real change physically. It’s been about three weeks now, but I’ve gone running at least twice a week every week since mid-January. It required making a friend join me to get really going (such a HUGE help by the way), but it also required a change in thinking and a wellness coach provided by my work who set for me a goal that I’ve long wanted to achieve (Getting back to running a sub-6-minute mile like I did in high school).

What did she do first? She broke the big goal down into three smaller goals each one with a 1-month time frame. And you know what? I’m actually succeeding at it where in the past I would have failed.

Concrete goals. Measurable goals. Small goals. It’s a nice recipe.

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Behavior Change Myths–Part 7, The Power of Information

As usual, my thoughts come from this presentation by Stanford University’s Persuasive Tech Lab.

I’m running late this week. It’s been a killer, that’s for sure.

The myth here is that information leads us to make choices and therefore understanding will help us conquer our addictions. I’ll admit that this is a very seductive, attractive myth. We hear all the time that knowledge is power (and it is), and it seems logical to us that knowledge should then influence our behavior. And it does, but only so far as we ourselves are actually committed to that knowledge.

Let me make a point about information and behavior: Smoking. Literally everyone knows that smoking is bad for our health. The body of scientific evidence against smoking is nigh unto completely overwhelming. You cannot argue in favor of smoking. And yet millions of people smoke. They know it’s bad and many of them even wish they could quit. Information doesn’t seem to be changing their behavior all that much, does it?

The subtext on this slide points out that humans aren’t really rational. That’s true. We’re far more emotional in our responses and actions, and our behaviors follow suit.

I keep going back to President Packer’s famous quote: A study of the gospel will change behavior faster than a study of behavior will change behavior. This points directly to the emotional, spiritual side of our humanity. Yesterday during our High Council meeting, the Stake President reminded me of something that Elder Bednar said about President Packer’s quote. The gist of the comment was that it’s not just any general study of the gospel that changes behavior but studying the gospel principles directly related to the behavior you desire to change.

In short, if you have a Smoking problem, studying the Word of Wisdom and other scriptural references to health will change your behavior faster than studying a book on quitting smoking. Why? Because the gospel changes your core, your beliefs, and the emotional center upon which you are based. Studying the gospel will indeed change your behavior faster than studying behavior will change your behavior because the gospel influences more than just knowledge. More than just behavior. More than even just emotion and spirit.

Like I said at the beginning, when we are committed to knowledge, knowledge can influence our behavior. But that commitment requires so much more than simple head knowledge. It’s heart knowledge. Emotional. Spiritual. Closer to the core and center of who we are. When we reach that point, our decisions are not based so much on knowledge anymore but rather on character.

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Behavior Change Myths–Part 6, The Power of Triggers

As usual, my thoughts come from this presentation by Stanford University’s Persuasive Tech Lab.

I’ve already written a lot about triggers in previous posts on this topic, but it’s nice to get a post dedicated to triggers by themselves.

Triggers are, of course, things that prompt a response, in this case behavioral. A trigger can be any thing that causes that response, including emotions, events, people, smells, sounds, words, and so on. The classic example is Pavlov and his dogs. You all know the story of course… The bell rings, you give the dog food. Eventually you can ring the bell and cause the dog to salivate in anticipation of getting food.

This kind of trigger is a learned response, and we give ourselves learned response triggers all the time. Habits are generally made up of learned responses, and that’s important to recognize that when dealing with addictions.

Addictions (and behaviors) do not begin in vacuums. We gain them over time as we continue to practice the behavior. If we can control the triggers that promote the behavior, we will have greater success in avoiding the behavior.

What is it that you do or experience that promotes the opportunity for the negative behaviors?

We’ve talked about environmental conditions as being a part of triggers. Are there elements in your environment that push you certain directions?

An important point to remember is that triggers work both ways. Often when we talk about behavior change, I see many people focusing on the negative aspects of behavior and eliminating negative behaviors, but there is real change in using these principles for positive growth as well.

In the arena of weight loss, my wife often tries to pay close attention to what her body is telling her and even verbalize it. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being starvation and 10 being throwing up from overeating, she’ll rate her current “fullness.” When she reaches comfortable and satisfied (around a 7), she stops eating. In many ways, my wife is teaching her body to respond to the natural built-in triggers she already has to tell her to stop eating.

Similarly, I’m one to create encounters as I like to call them. If I am trying to create a habit or remind me to do something, I put triggers in places where I will encounter them. My scriptures go by my shoes, and I put them out the night before. This simple trigger reminds me to call the family together for morning scripture study.

The subtext to this slide says that no behavior happens without a trigger. I don’t know if I agree completely with that, but I will agree that behavior is within our control and triggers are essential to modifying and controlling that behavior.

One last thought…. Our emotional behavior is also within our control and also responds to triggers. If you find yourself consistently getting frustrated with a situation or angry or whatever, what is that is promoting that response? Those are your triggers. While those triggers are important to understand, you have to recognize that you still have the choice and the responsibility to choose regarding those triggers. Those triggers do not make you angry or frustrated. You do. And that is your choice.

And while you can’t always remove all triggers that influence you, you can put in place other triggers to help you.

One that often comes to mind for me was something our bishop taught us a year or so ago. For him, he made it a habit to say a short prayer asking for help each time he faced a specific temptation. In many cases, temptation is brought about by a trigger, and his prayer-based response was an attempt to shift the behavioral response. In some sense, his triggers led to another trigger that led to a positive response.

The point is this: You are free and enabled to choose how you will respond to any given trigger. If you choose to become angry and frustrated, you made that choice yourself. Next time, make a different choice. My wife uses the “Good Choice or Bad Choice?” question when disciplining Katherine. In analyzing our own behavior and responses to triggers, it might be helpful to ask ourselves if our response to a particular trigger was a good choice or a bad choice.

If bad, we have the power to change and be different. Behavior is NOT self anymore than what you wear defines your true appearance. Behavior is, however, an external manifestation of your strengths and weaknesses. Like any strength or weakness, they can be changed. They can be strengthened. And they can be weakened.

The choice, however, remains yours.

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Behavior Change Myths–Part 5, Blaming Failure on Motivation

As usual, my thoughts come from this presentation by Stanford University’s Persuasive Tech Lab.

For me, I find myself blaming a lot of my failures on a lack of motivation. In other words, if only I really wanted it more….

Right.

The slides in that Stanford presentation all have a subtitle, and the subtitle for myth 5 was particularly effective: Solution–Make the behavior easier to do.

To put this in context, Courtney and I will often launch the New Year with goal, goals, and more goals. We also try to set a few goals. Each goal is large, significant, and often complex.

And we always fail. Typically by the 15th.

This year, largely as a result of this presentation, we decided to set a single, simple goal that was easily defined, easily measured, and easily achieved. The goal? Be more active. What active is is defined by each of us individually. How we accomplish it is the same. Today is the 17th, and we’re still going strong.

To move into the realm of scripture, the Lord commanded:

Mosiah 4:27 And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.

A handful of cool concepts here when it comes to goal setting and behavior change:

1. Be wise in selecting your goals and attempting goal change.
   Often times, our goals are grandiose goals set outside the realms of expectation. I have a friend whose call is to be wealthy and retire by 45. He’s almost 40 and doesn’t have a job. Not really realistic to retire wealthy by 45, but his entire focus is still on that age and that goal.
   I don’t want to be around on his 45th birthday.
2. You can only do what you can do.
   The Lord has promised us that we would not be tempted beyond our ability to bear (1 Cor. 10:13). At the same time, he doesn’t expect us to accomplish more than we can accomplish. The bar for each of us is set and that height is unique to our own circumstances and abilities.
3. While the bar is unique to each of us and the Lord won’t ask us to do more than we can, He still wants us to do what we can.
   Growth and progress are attained through reaching limits, conquering those limits, and being strengthened in the process. The clearest example I have of this was weight training with a friend. I found myself stuck at a certain weight, and for about three months, I would only lift that weight. I felt like I couldn’t go higher, and I was discouraged that my progress had plateaued. Then, my friend insisted that I go up not one or two weights higher, but three full weight higher than what I was previously lifting. At first, I declined, but he insisted, and I was amazed to find that not only could I do it, but I could do it easily.
   The point is this: I had chosen to be stagnant in my progression, and my choice made me stagnant. It was only when I broke free of the bar I had set for myself that I was able to achieve the higher bar and continue growing.
4. All things must be done in order.
   This scripture actually starts and ends with that phrase. Order.
   I’m learning as I strive to change my own behavior and free myself from the uncomfortable addictions and habits I have that order is essential. We all have issues, some big, some small. Instead of attacking the big ones, like I used to do, I try to focus on the little ones. The easy ones. Doing so makes the initial steps of behavior change simpler and builds my confidence to tackle future, more complex issues.

Behavior change is not a matter of simply having the motivation to change and failure is not a result of lack of motivation. Rather, it is a process of setting ourselves up for failure by not putting in place the systems and abilities to accomplish what we want to do. And, as stated in this myth, it’s the natural tendency to demand too much of ourselves. We can only do what we can do, and it is only after doing all that we can do that we’ll find that higher power to achieve the rest.

And once more, I find myself muttering, “baby steps to the elevator… baby steps to the elevator….”

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Behavior Change Myths–Part 4, Only Trying to Stop Old Behaviors

As usual, my thoughts come from this presentation by Stanford University’s Persuasive Tech Lab.

Last week, I quoted the parable of the clean house found in Luke 11: 24-26. Instead of summarizing the parable, here it is:

24 When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest; and finding none, he saith, I will return unto my house whence I came out.

25 And when he cometh, he findeth it swept and garnished.

26 Then goeth he, and taketh to him seven other spirits more wicked than himself; and they enter in, and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first.

The basic idea here is that the man cleaned the house but did not replace the emptiness of the newly cleaned house with anything else. The unclean spirit returns and, finding the house clean and empty, fills it back up with himself PLUS seven other spirits more wicked than himself.

If you consider the unclean spirit a habit you are trying to break, I think the parable is clearer. Basically, the point of changing behavior isn’t solely to remove the bad but to also replace the bad with that which is good.

I think you see examples of this in the efforts of many addiction recovery programs. For example, I know many stop-smoking programs that encourage the participants to chew gum; in essence, the goal would be to replace the habit of smoking with a habit of gum chewing.

Similar to Myth #3, the point of replacing the behavior is to create a new model for life, a new set of parameters. In Myth #3, we are replacing environments that could lead us to make incorrect behavioral choices. In Myth #4, we are filling the spaces left open by the habit we are trying to move.

As my mother and your mother undoubtedly said, “An empty mind is the devil’s workshop.” Whatever the devil may be to you, if you would avoid falling back into habits you are trying to change, you would fill the space with other things.

Two final thoughts:

• In Sacrament meeting this past Sunday, one of the people who spoke stated that belief and action are closely related elements. If you believe, you act on that belief. If you don’t act on a belief, it’s probably not a real belief. Rings true.
• Nephi talks very clearly about this concept in 2 Nephi 4:28–Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.

Seems pretty clear to me.

 

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Behavior Change Myths–Part 3, Ignoring the Environment

I’ve been slacking on this project, but it certainly seems relevant now with the New Year. As a reminder, my thoughts are based on this presentation.

The third myth in behavior change is the idea that we can change behavior inside of the conditions which created the behavior in the first place. To put that in other words, that’s expecting to stop drinking while still going to bars every night. You won’t make it.

Effective behavior change is assisted by shifting and changing your environment.

The Bible sums up this idea well with the parable Jesus told about the clean house. To summarize, the evil spirit is kicked out of a house, the spirit wanders around for awhile, the spirit decides to return to the house, the spirit finds it cleaned, and the spirit moves in with seven other spirits leaving the state of the man in worse condition than previously.

Pretty simple.

That parable of course has significant application to what we do with our lives after we break free from habit or addiction, but it also has much to say about the environment we find ourselves in. If we would change our behavior, we must recognize that our surroundings influence our behavior and then take appropriate steps to modify our surroundings to compensate for the behavior we would change. I would also note that the fact that the spirit was kicked out did not mean the behavior changed. There was still plenty of work to do, which was not done, and that enabled the spirit to come back in stronger.

Anyone who has failed at changing behavior can testify that trying again is harder.

For me and one of my addictions (junk food), changing my environment means I don’t allow junk food in the house. More than that, however, I also try to go shopping when I’m feeling unstressed because I know that stressful shopping leads to having junk food in the grocery cart. I’ve also found that I succeed when I encourage those around me to help me. In effect, I’m changing my environment in ways that encourage the behaviors I want to first remove and second establish.

To be fair, I think this can be the hardest part of behavior change for many people because it is public. It is visible. It sometimes involves removing yourself from friends and family, from places of comfort. In some ways, these changes invite stress into your life, which of course could feed the desire for those very comforts you are trying to avoid.

And such is the nature of behavior change.

While environment can certainly inhibit behavior change, it can also promote. In my junk food example above, the change of not allowing junk food in the house promotes the change. Perhaps the classic example of promoting behavior change through environment is the method of putting things in your way. I know of some who put their running shoes right by their bed so that they trip over them in the morning. Some use the prayer rock (a rock put under the pillow) to remind them to say prayers. Me? I have “places.” I put things in places that I know I’ll encounter them. I put my scriptures on the back of the couch along with my socks in the morning knowing that I will eventually sit down to put on my shoes and see my scriptures next to my socks. I put things in my lunch bag because I always look there at least three times a day (once to pack my lunch, once to eat, and once to clean it out).

On another note, I find that Courtney and I actively choose to tone down our music choices, which help us make decisions we find more inline with the gospel. It also helps the mood of our home be calmer.

So what is it about your environment that affects you and your behavior? What are you trying to change that is being stopped by your environment? How could you change your environment to help you in behavior change?

 

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Behavior Change Myths–Part 2: Big Leaps vs Baby Steps

Finally… part 2.

Again, the inspiration for this mini-series comes from this presentation.

Myth #2–Attempting big leaps of change instead of taking small steps

Ah did this one ring true when I read it. I’m sure we’ve all done this before. For me, it typically happens after an experience–either good or bad–where I suddenly feel a renewed desire to succeed. To change.

I go to bed that night with rich plans of what the future holds. “Tomorrow! When I wake up, I’m going to leap out of bed and exercise for an hour! Then I’m going to write in my journal! Then I’m going to study the scriptures for 30 minutes!!!”

Sound familiar?

How often does that last? For me, I think my record was about three days.

The point is that we are creatures of habit, and yes, while we can indeed change those habits and grow, huge changes like this lack the foundation (the habits) essential to behavior.

What I’ve found to be successful is instead to pick one thing. Something you want passionately but just one thing. Focus on it. Set a clear goal. Make it a priority. And then work on it.

One thing I’ve realized over the last few days is that setbacks aren’t failures. Failures imply a sense of permanence. Eternity. Rockets fail, and when they fail, they go boom. People don’t fail, though. We have setbacks. Momentarily loses of the momentum.

A good friend and I are working with a family in our ward to help them change some habits, and the thing we keep talking about is the idea that progression is a journey, not a destination. Trends matter more than current direction.

We all experience the consistent roller coaster of life. What matters more than the ups and the downs is the average level of the two. We may ride from a high of 10 to a low of 1, but if the average over time increases from a 4 to a 5 or a 5 to a 6, we’re going the right direction.

So go ahead. Feel inspired. Feel so motivated that you can’t contain the excitement. And maybe even launch out of bed in the morning ready to run a marathon NOW. And then drive that passion into a single achievable short-term goal. A 24-hour goal that you can complete and build off of.

My track coach in high school used to tell me that I can do anything for 30 seconds. It’s true. I can do anything for 30 seconds. And when that 30 seconds is up, I can do anything for 30 seconds. When it comes to ridding our lives of the addictions we all face, all we need to do is 30 seconds at a time.

And because no post on baby steps would be complete without it…

“Baby steps to the elevator…. Baby steps to the elevator….“

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