Has it come to this? The posting has drifted off and my attention is elsewhere lately. But you’ve been a long, faithful friend. A source of solace and comfort when no one else would listen. The friendly ear that accepted me no matter what came from me.
I once mentioned that a good friend is someone who will tell you all the hard things, but a best friend is someone who will listen to those same hard things. And so you’ve been. I don’t know if I’ve ever actually put this in writing but I named you for just such a thing. The Prodigal. Yes, it is in reference to the Biblical prodigal, the son who–for a time–went out to find his own way in the world. The blog was born out of a frustration with my then communication to the world. I’ve long since returned, but the blog became a companion of sorts. A trove of memories and especially of linking to friends and family.
I don’t Facebook. Let’s make that even more clear. I won’t Facebook. I hate it. I don’t like the superficiality of it all. The exposure. (And a blog isn’t exposed? Isn’t superficial?) Shut up… This is my story, not yours….
It’s just not for me. I wouldn’t post there, I wouldn’t read your posts, and no… I wouldn’t care. I’m sorry, I just wouldn’t. So the blog….
But lately, with the changes at work, with the increased pace of life, with… I don’t know. It’s just become hard to post lately. Harder. There isn’t as much going on that I care to share (the bees are an obvious exception), and I find myself actually putting a note in the calendar to remind me to post.
So I don’t know… Even now I can think of at least three or four blog posts I’d like to write, but the times I used to set aside to do that aren’t as consistent as they once were, and I honestly don’t miss it.
Aleisha, my mentor in beekeeping and someone I’ve long admired for a whole bunch of reasons I don’t care to write here, has gone through a great process of doing vs being. She doesn’t want to merely do things anymore. She wants to be things. It’s why she did the incredibly brave and powerful thing of stepping away from beekeeping for a year to see if it was merely a do thing for her, instead of a be thing. I hope she can be a beekeeper, but if not, she’ll be all the strong for having learned for herself what truly makes her happy.
I’m kind of in the same boat right now. I love writing. I love being a writer. But is this blog the outlet? Is this where I write?
Recently I came across an opportunity to write for a DMC site on family topics. In particular, I’m actually going to start the column I first imagined here (What Do You Think). My first article is scheduled to be published early next week. Published. Officially. I mean I’ve actually published over a dozen books now if you count my technical manuals as books. Some of them even have had publication runs numbering in the tens to hundreds of thousands. Pretty impressive, until I mention that my name appears nowhere on any of the books. Not once. But this article will actually have my name on it.
In a lot of ways, this is a dream coming true (it’s not true yet), and I just don’t know where the blog fits in anymore. At least not as I’ve used it. It’s still a great little place to come and unwind–isn’t that what I’m doing right now after all?–but for what it used to be?
I just don’t know.
Is this the end? I don’t think so. Is it time for a break? Let me be honest, I’ve been on break from the blog for almost a month now. Posting has been rote, emotionless, and done for the wrong reasons. Did you know I had a record month last month? I crushed my previous visitor total last month. Obliterated the old record. And I did it for the number, not for the reader.
Isn’t that a sign?
Best friends are friends who will listen to the hard things you have to tell them. The worst friends are the ones who use you. And for that I owe this blog an apology. It’s been more about visitor counts than content for a while now. And I got exactly what I aimed for. Lots of visitors.
Time for my classic sigh.
None of this is to say I’m done. I’m not. None of this is to say that nothing that I wrote was meaningful these last few months. A lot was. But I think, as far as being prodigal is concerned, that I came home recently. Whatever home means.
Every blogger seems to have this post. The I’m-not-sure-what-happens-next post. Some survive. Some don’t. I think this blog will survive, and I hope you follow it. For my part, I plan on continuing to write about bees, to write about grammar, to write about politics, and to write about life in general. Hopefully the right reasons surface. Heck, for all I know this post will reset everything and I’ll be back tomorrow (I actually do have an article I’m itching to write right now….).
Getting published…. For real…. Even if it is only a DMC site working to build a following. Everything starts somewhere. I’ve had the privilege to be started right here for the last five plus years.
I’m looking forward to many more.