I’m almost ashamed that it has been so long since I’ve continued this series. I guess having a new baby in the house will do that to you. On the other hand, I’m happy to report that we have two more myths (including this one), and then we get on to a couple topics like dealing with mental illness, hope in the atonement, and so no. The last post is a truly touching story that could be serialized all on its own. It’s about 12 pages of indepth discussions of one person’s journeys through the rigors of post-partum depression, and is so influential and important that I’m going to include it in its entirety. But on to this post’s topic….
I can’t say that I’ve ever personally encountered this one where the mentally ill blamed someone else. The blame has always turned inward. Strike that… I know one person who was sexually abused (the trigger) as a child, and that manifested with some outward expressions of blame as this person dealt with the trauma later on in his life. However, he also seemed to shoulder much of the burden and blame himself. Truly unfortunate.
As usual, a quote from Elder Alexander B. Morrison, emeritus First Quorum of the Seventy:
It is common human tendency to blame others, or oneself, for whatever goes wrong in life. Many victims of mental illness wear themselves out emotionally by repetitive futile attempts to remember something that someone might have done that resulted in the terrible fate they endure. Ascribing blame for mental illness causes unnecessary suffering for all concerned and takes time and energy which would better be used to increase understanding. As victims, loved ones, and all the rest of us increase our understanding, we’ll see patience, forgiveness, and empathy replace denial, anger, and rejection.
I love Elder Morrison and his rich testimony of treating mental illness, and one of the things I most deeply love about this particular quote is that he doesn’t waste time accusing anyone or seeking to lay blame on others. More than any other action, seeking to increase our understanding, building our patience, forging others, and learning empathy will heal us because it opens us to the redeeming and saving power of the Atonement.
A good friend of mine submitted the following story. It’s the only story from a non-sufferer of mental illness, and it has special value for that and other reasons.
My husband suffers from chronic stress and anxiety disorders. Change and new situations can be stressful for anybody, but for him they are terrifying and overwhelming. Each time he has to face a new situation, he becomes so overwhelmed by stress that he makes himself physically ill. Situations that may be slightly uncomfortable for most people, such as starting a new job or meeting someone, are physically debilitating for my husband.
My husband is normally a very loving, caring, open, and fun person, but mental illness changes him. Sometimes he gets angry and lashes out and sometimes he hides in bed and refuses to leave. Sometimes he conveniently gets sick right before we are supposed to go visit someone. It took a long time for me to realize that he wasn’t trying to weasel his way out of doing things. His mental illness is a very real challenge that we both have to deal with.
It took a lot of prayer and faith before I was able to recognize that his behavior was a result of mental illness and had nothing to do with me. It was easy to feel that he was lashing out at me personally. To be honest, his mental illness almost cost us our marriage. Once I realized the source of his frustration, I was able to realize he has chronic stress and anxiety disorders just like some people have diabetes. There is no way to get rid of it, but there are ways to treat it. With Heavenly Father’s help, we deal with it one day at a time.
More than anything, this story shows that the myth of needing to assign blame is one that does not affect the victim alone. Assigning blame is, as destructive as it is, a coping method that we all do; For some reason, problems are more easily surmounted when someone is at fault. Most unfortunately, many victims of mental illness place the blame on themselves, and I can think of no more destructive action outside of being rejected for the mentally ill.
No one is at fault. Yes, some mental illness is triggered by the actions of others such as my sexually abused friend above, but mental illness also just happens. It just does. I find it helpful to remember that all things have a purpose and that God does know that purpose. For me, knowing that He knows at least provides a source for seeking assistance.
